Monsters and Mayhem
by White Wolf1
Summary: A peaceful journey to Thrace just isn't in the cards for Hercules and Iolaus.


(The TV characters you recognize, I don't own. I just borrowed them. I returned them unharmed and hopefully wiser for the experiences I put them through. No profit, just entertainment.)

MONSTERS AND MAYHEM

by White Wolf

Iolaus lay on his bed, hands clasped behind his head, silently thinking back to the events of the past day. Had it been only one day? It seemed like a lifetime. He shook his head. How had things gotten so crazy? 'Silly question,' he thought. Things always managed to get crazy. It seemed to be the way he and Hercules lived most of the time. 'Monsters and mayhem,' he laughed, 'always monsters and mayhem.'

* * * * * * * * * ** 

The day had been another of those glorious ones that made Greece one of the most beautiful places in the known world. There were white fluffy clouds floating lazily across the bright azure sky. The grass was thick and luxurious. The trees were decked out in their leafy green finely, and the flowers were a profusion of color and fragrance.

Hercules and Iolaus were traveling down a road at the base of a hill. Both were silent, lost in their own appreciation of their surroundings. A sweet morning breeze sprang up to ruffle their hair as they walked.

"You know, Herc, it's on a day like this that makes me really happy you rescued me from the Underworld. I think a day like this rivals even the Elysian Fields."

"It _is_ beautiful, Iolaus," Hercules said as he took in a deep breath of the clean, fragrant air. "Of course, I dragged your scrawny butt back up here just so you could enjoy a day like this with me."

Iolaus looked sideways at Hercules and saw the big smile on his face. "Of course," he snickered. Truth be told, he really did love spending a day like this with his best friend. It happened far too infrequently. "I hope we don't run into any bandits. It's too beautiful to spend time battling those guys."

Just then, to neither man's great surprise, six burly, unkempt men jumped out from behind a grove of trees the demigod and the hunter were just passing. They both rolled their eyes and shook their heads at the same time.

"Give us all your money," a large man, who appeared to be the leader, demanded. He grinned, revealing black, broken teeth.

"We don't have any money," Hercules told him with a note of exasperation. "So, there's no need for anyone to get hurt."

"Do these guys all read the same book?" Iolaus inquired.

"They must all go to the same bandit school," Hercules answered dryly.

"Nah, now that I think about it, I don't think any of these guys can read." Iolaus looked the scruffy men up and down with a less than appreciative expression.

"Very funny," the bandit leader said. "You got a smart mouth, little man."

"So I've been told," Iolaus said as his patience began to run thin. This whole scenario happened so often it was getting tedious. "At least, I practice good dental hygiene."

The fight that erupted lasted all of three minutes---a punch here, a couple of kicks there, and six potential bandits were taught a painful lesson. 

Iolaus stood with one of the bandits held tightly by the front of his shirt. He threw the man to the side and rubbed his hands together. "So much for that lot. Know what?"

Hercules raised his eyebrows in question.

"I'm hungry."

"Now, that's something I never would've guessed," Hercules laughed in mock sarcasm as he slapped Iolaus on the shoulder. "Let's find you something to eat before you pass out."

Leaving the unconscious bodies of their recent foes littered on the ground, the two friends continued on their way. Even the short battle couldn't dim their high spirits.

Five minutes later, as the two men entered the edge of a small forest, Iolaus remarked. "I guess now we need a monster to jump out as us." He laughed. He was still laughing when he and Hercules heard a loud animal growl. The sound sent chills down their spines and brought the hair up on the back of their necks. 

The growl came again. Since they were now surrounded by trees, it was hard to tell just where the sound emanated from. Both men looked all around them, trying to locate the exact direction. They circled slowly, back to back, all senses on full alert.

"Uh, Herc," Iolaus said as he reached around and tapped his friend on the shoulder. When the demigod turned around, he saw what Iolaus stood staring at. "What is it?" the blond warrior asked.

Hercules stared at the ten-foot creature that hung menacingly above them. It looked like a magic spell gone terribly wrong. It appeared to be a cross between a human and a very ugly dog. Its skin glistened a leathery black. Its eyes were small and black as well. The majority of its almost human face was taken up with mouth, complete with a set of canine teeth at least 10 inches long. The fangs were several inches longer than that. Saliva dripped from its large, rubbery lips. The little hair it had on its head stuck out in tufts that were thick and wiry.

The creature stood on huge hind legs that resembled a dog's. It's body also resembled that of a dog. But, from its shoulders grew two muscular human arms complete with hands, though the fingers were tipped with claws in place of normal fingernails. The combination was a monstrosity to say the least.

"How in the name of Hades did someone come up with something like _that_?" Iolaus was too mesmerized to move. 

"I have no idea," Hercules replied. When the creature growled again, he said, "I don't think it wants to be friends."

"Do we ever run into friendly monsters?"

"Not often enough." Hercules pulled Iolaus back as the creature moved closer. Just then, a huge stream of saliva fell to the ground right where the hunter had been standing. 

"Yuck." Iolaus jumped back even farther as the slimy spittle splashed in his direction. He checked his pants and boots to make sure none of it had gotten on them. It hadn't, but it hadn't missed by much.

Hercules motioned for Iolaus to move over to the right as he moved slowly to the left. It wasn't usually a good idea to separate for a fight, but in this case, he thought they might have a better chance against it, if its attention was divided.

With a speed that surprised both men, the creature's huge head lunged down toward Hercules, who barely managed to dodge the sharp teeth that snapped at him. 

As the head moved back up, the right arm shot out to the side and tried to grab Iolaus. The hunter reacted instantly, flipping backwards out of the way as the fingers closed around empty air. Iolaus glanced at Hercules just as the arm swung wide and came back across, narrowly missing the blond, who was again forced to flip backwards. "This thing is fast," he said in grudging admiration.

A huge tail came whipping toward Hercules. It swept his legs out from under him. The demigod hit the ground and after a second of stunned surprise, rolled out of range. 

"I never saw that tail," Ioluas declared apologetically, wondering how on earth he could have missed something that big. Of course, his attention had been concentrated mostly on those huge teeth.

"Neither did I," the demigod had to admit as he got to his feet. He took a moment to rub his legs where the tail had struck. However, he was careful to keep one eye on the creature's head and the other on that menacing tail.

Iolaus had retrieved his sword, which he had dropped earlier, and tried to ram it in the creature's leg that was nearest him. It didn't penetrate at all, but it did manage to draw the thing's unwanted attention. "Great," Iolaus sighed as he executed another back flip. "This is getting ridiculous. If we don't do something to stop this thing, I'll be back flipping all the way to Thrace."

"I'm working on it," a frustrated Hercules said. "It's got to have a weakness."

"Oh, yeah. Just point it out to me."

"I told you, I'm working on it."

"Work fast," Iolaus hollered as he ducked out of the way of a swinging hand, claws extended, that grazed the top of his head. "That was too close," he muttered as he prepared to dodge the returning swing. The hand swept low, forcing the hunter to jump up above it when he had been preparing to duck. Luckily, he was agile enough to make the adjustment in time.

The creature jerked its head back and forth rapidly, sending more saliva flying. This time it connected---with Hercules. The demigod snorted and anger spread across his face. "That's it, you overgrown abomination!" Hercules reached up and punched the creature in the jaw. The blow barely moved the huge head. Hercules tried it again with much the same result.

"I say, Herc, I don't think you've quite got it worked out yet." Iolaus grimaced as his friend shot him an angry look. He barely got the words out of his mouth when he was forced to do yet another back flip. He sighed in exasperation as his feet hit the ground, kicking up little puffs of dust from the road. His face now reflected the same expression as that on the son of Zeus.

The creature stood still for a moment, regarding the two warriors. It had a decidedly puzzled look on its ugly face as it looked from one man to the other. 

"Don't tell me that thing is trying to _think_," Iolaus remarked.

" I guess it doesn't like having to work so hard to win a fight."

"Well, I don't like having to work so hard, either. Let's get this over with. " Iolaus risked asking, "Got it worked out yet?"

"Sure do. Throw me your sword."

The blond hunter shrugged and flipped the blade to Hercules, who caught it easily. He didn't think that the sword was going to penetrate that tough hide, but he knew that with Hercules's extraordinary strength, it might possibly do what he hadn't been able to. 

Hercules had something slightly different in mind. "Get its attention," the demigod said.

"Yeah, of course. I've heard this story before. The little guy is always the _bait_." 

"Well, you know, it's _my_ idea." Hercules smiled and then crouched down ready to spring. He looked at Iolaus. 'Go on', he mouthed.

Iolaus sighed and started jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air and making all kinds of loud noises. "Come on, you big ugly beast. I dare you!"

When the creature turned its head toward the animated hunter, Hercules leaped. He put his hand down on the creature's arm and used it to vault up and onto the back of its neck. He gripped tight with his legs as the beast reacted to the maneuver. It swung both arms up and behind its head, and just before its outstretched fingers could grasp him, Hercules slammed the sword into the creature's right ear. 

Hercules jumped clear as the creature screamed and began to thrash. It reached up and put its hand against its right ear, inadvertently pushing the sword deeper into its head. With an earsplitting scream, it came crashing down. It gave a few quick convulsions and then lay still.

Iolaus smiled. "Oh, the old sword in the ear trick. Right to the brain. Dead creature. Nice work," he said appreciatively.

Hercules leaned down and, as he passed his friend he said, "Told you I was working on it. I'll wait while you clean your sword."

"Thanks," the hunter remarked. He wrinkled his nose as he pulled the blood and gore-covered blade out of the creature's head. "Yuck." He swiped it several times over the thick grass and then used several handfuls of dirt to finish wiping it down. When he finished, the blade glistened, and he had no reservations about putting it back in its scabbard.

The two men stood side by side to regard the dead creature.

Hercules shook his head. "That is one ugly beast. It even looks fearsome crumpled up like that."

"Do you think it's the pet of one of your relatives? Ares, maybe? You know, he wasn't too happy when you destroyed Gragus."

"That's for sure." He and Iolaus looked around, half expecting Ares to show up. The God of War didn't appear. Both let out a sigh of relief.

"We'll probably never know," Hercules said as he turned to leave. "Let's go. I'd like to put this thing behind us."

The hunter felt no desire to object.

* * * * * * * * * * 

They continued down the road. Iolaus was his usual animated self, bouncing along, regaling Hercules with a retelling of the recent events as if he hadn't been there. It amazed Hercules that his partner could embellish so many facts when the creature wasn't even cold yet. 

Iolaus was quiet for a while and then, he started laughing.

Hercules looked at him. "What's so funny? Telling yourself jokes again?"

"Well, you remember I had mentioned being attacked by bandits. Then, there they were. I mentioned a monster, and it appeared."

Hercules regarded his friend. "You're not thinking that if you mention something, it happens?"

"Well... Nah, I don't guess that's possible. Of course, I could test that theory and see if it really is true. I mean, how about if I say I'd love for a beautiful woman to cross our path---uh, _my_ path." The last statement Iolaus made with a dreamy expression on his face.

Hercules just rolled his eyes. His best friend was the consummate ladies man. Iolaus just plain loved women, and they just plain loved him. Hercules actually enjoyed watching the blond warrior weave his considerable charms on the female population. If he had been a sailor, he would have had a girl in every port. As it was, he had one in a fair number of the towns and villages of Greece.

Hercules laughed. "Could you conjure up one with a sister?"

"Go ahead and make fun." Iolaus grinned at the demigod, standing and looking at him with a bemused expression.

"I'm serious," Hercules insisted.

"Okay. I'll ask for one with a sister." He closed his eyes and made his plea to Aphrodite for a beautiful woman who wanted nothing more than to love and pamper him. "Oh, yeah, and one with a sister for Hercules." He thanked her in advance. Iolaus opened his eyes and sighed. 

The two men started down the road once again. Neither spoke for a long time. After a while, Hercules asked, "When are these women supposed to show up?"

Iolaus ignored the somewhat sarcastic question, although he could hear the humorous tone with which it was asked.

When they came clear of a large formation of boulders, they both stopped and stared. There in the middle of the road was a woman trying to re-attach a wagon wheel that had fallen off the rear axle. Even at a distance, it was obvious she was a very lovely and winsome woman. 

Iolaus gave his friend a quick glance. "Sorry, Herc, there's just the one for me." He shrugged and ran forward. "May I be of assistance?"

"Oh, yes, that would be wonderful. I've been trying to get this wheel back on for half an hour." She looked Iolaus up and down with admiration. "I'm sure you can do it with no trouble."

"Right," the hunter agreed. "No trouble at all."

Hercules stopped near the boulders to watch. He had no intention in interfering with his friend's effort to be obliging, and, of course, to make a good impression. 

Iolaus struggled and struggled, but the stubborn axle remained too low to allow the hole in the wheel's center to meet up with it. He groaned from the effort. Iolaus was certainly strong, but the wagon proved to be just a bit too heavy. "What are you carrying in this thing, a load of iron bars?"

"Just a few things I brought from home to take to my sister," the woman replied sweetly. 

"Sister?" Iolaus asked hopefully.

When the woman batted her long eyelashes over her deep sea-green eyes at the hunter, he forgot all about the sister and redoubled his effort to lift the wagon. It still refused to cooperate. He groaned again, this time in utter exasperation.

"Can I help?" Hercules asked as he walked up beside the wagon. 

Iolaus sighed. He knew he couldn't get the task done by himself. Wishing and hoping wasn't going to get the wagon up those extra couple of inches. He nodded.

Hercules toyed with the idea of groaning the way Iolaus had while trying to lift the wagon to make it look like it really was an effort even for a big man. But, he knew as soon as the woman found out who he was, she would know it was all an act. He didn't want to spoil anything for Iolaus, so he did what he had to do. He lifted the wagon with one hand and held it up easily while Iolaus slid the wheel into place.

The woman's eyes got big. "I've never seen anyone do that before. You must be as strong as Hercules," she remarked. 

"He gets that a lot," Iolaus said as he locked the wheel into place with the cross bolt. When he straightened up and turned around, he said, "Actually, he _is_ Hercules."

It took a second to recover from the surprise before the woman said, "I'm Radona. Glad to meet you, Hercules."

Hercules turned and put his hand on Ioluas's shoulder. "And, this is my best friend, Iolaus."

"I'm glad to meet you, too, Iolaus. Thank you for your help---both of you," she added. "I'd be stuck out here all night, if you hadn't stopped to help me."

"Stopping to help a beautiful woman is the most important thing we do," Iolaus said as he gazed at her.

The woman looked demurely at the ground. The pink that flooded her face was very becoming with her sea-green eyes and raven-black hair.

Blushing was the one thing that could win Iolaus over quicker than anything else a woman could do. He found it irresistible. He also found it very refreshing from some of the brazen women he had encountered on his travels in Greece and elsewhere.

Hercules could see what was coming. Iolaus was about to fall in 'love' again. Most of the woman the hunter was attracted to were simple diversions, not that he toyed with them. His feelings were always heart-felt. They just didn't go very deeply beyond temporary infatuation. But, there was always that one chance in a hundred when his feelings were genuinely deep and true. Not knowing which this could turn out to be, Hercules kept silent. Whichever way this went, he wasn't going to interfere with the delight Iolaus took in the opposite sex.

While his partner stood and gazed at Radona, Hercules asked, "Could we accompany you to town? You are going to Thrace, aren't you?"

"Yes," the woman replied, still a little flushed from the stare she was continuing to receive from the clearly infatuated hunter. "My sister lives there. She's going to have a baby, and I promised her some of these things that belonged to us when we were children."

"Why are you traveling alone?" Iolaus finally roused himself long enough to inquire.

"I had someone to help me. A man my father had hired to accompany me. He stole a small jewelry box I had and ran off. I had no choice but to continue on by myself. Then, the wheel fell off and...well, you came along."

Hercules had frowned at the mention of the theft. "Did the man get all your jewelry?"

"It wasn't much, mostly keepsakes that aren't worth much except to my sister and me. That's what hurts the most. I would have given him all the money I had, if he had just left those things." Radona 's eyes had filled with tears as she spoke. 

Iolaus produced a piece of cloth and handed it to her to dab her eyes. She did so. 

"I'm sorry. I don't usually break down like this in front of strangers," she apologized.

Iolaus smiled sympathetically. "We aren't strangers. Not anymore." The hunter put his arm around her and turned her toward the road. "We'll see that you get to your sister's without any more trouble," he promised. He looked back over his shoulder. "Herc, you don't mind bringing the wagon, do you? I have to help..." He grinned as he dipped his head slightly in Radona's direction, .."You know."

Hercules watched Iolaus and Radona head off toward Thrace, the hunter already beginning to regale the woman with the tale of their battle with the creature they had just faced. The demigod shook his head. "No, of course not," he muttered. "Happy to. No trouble at all." He shook his head again, walked to the front of the wagon and took hold of the horse's bridle. "Come on, we'll keep each other company."

Part Two

By the time the little group reached Thrace, Iolaus and Radona were both laughing. Hercules couldn't help but smile. It was good to see his friend having a good time. It hadn't been that long ago since Hercules had brought the hunter back from the Underworld after defeating Hera's fire Enforcer. For a while it had seemed that Iolaus's laughter was strained and his attempts at humor only halfhearted. Now, the old Iolaus seemed to be back. 

When they arrived at the house that Radona indicated was her sister's, she stopped and turned to both men. "I don't know how to thank you for all you've done. I'll talk to my sister. I'm sure that she'll be happy to invite you to stay for dinner." 

"We don't want to intrude on your reunion," Hercules told her.

"Nonsense. I know my sister. She'll be thrilled to have you."

Radona's expression said, 'And so will I,' as she looked at the hunter demurely. 

"What about her husband?" Iolaus asked. "He might object."

"He's in Athens. He'll be back next week, long before the baby is born, which won't be for another month. Besides, if he was here, I'm sure he would welcome you, too. Wait here."

Iolaus grinned from ear to ear as he and Hercules stood outside the small house and waited. 

"When I asked for a 'sister', I didn't mean a married one," Hercules said, pretending to be upset, "that is going to have a baby," he finished.

The hunter shrugged, "Blame Aphrodite. You heard me ask her. Maybe, she thought you needed a ready-made family."

Before Hercules could comment on that bit of speculation, Radona appeared and held the door open. "She's excited just like I knew she'd be. Come in."

Once inside, introductions were made all around. Setara, Radona's sister, greeted them warmly and said, "I'm honored to welcome you to my home. And, thank you for helping my sister. You truly are heroes."

Iolaus almost blushed but managed to offer a smile instead. 

"We were happy to do it," Hercules said, eyeing his smitten partner.

"You are both staying for dinner, and I won't take no for an answer." Setara's voice was firm and left no room for argument.

All during dinner, Iolaus hung on every word Radona said and gazed at her like a love-struck teenager. By the time everyone had finished eating, Iolaus was totally smitten with the raven-haired young woman.

"That was wonderful," Hercules said as he pushed himself back from the table. "I haven't eaten that much in ages." He almost added that he left that to Iolaus, but refrained from actually saying it. He had noticed that love-struck or not, Iolaus had eaten enough food for three people. Even as long as he'd been a witness to it, he still always marveled at how much the compact hunter could put away.

"Setara is one of the best cooks in all of Thrace."

"I can well believe that. Right, Ioluas?" No response. "Iolaus?"

"Yes?" the hunter answered, though it was clear by his faraway tone that he wasn't paying any attention to the conversation. His eyes were glued to Radona.

"You're so beautiful," Iolaus blurted out, continuing to stare.

Radona blushed and smiled. "Thank you, Iolaus."

"It's such a lovely night out, will you come with me, and we can look at the stars together?"

"That would be nice," Radona replied.

"Radona, I don't think that's wise," Setara said in a warning tone. "You know..."

Radona narrowed her eyes and shot her sister a look that told her not to interfere. Setara closed her mouth and got up quickly to clear the dishes from the table.

Ioalus was totally oblivious of what had just happened. Hercules, on the other hand, picked up on it immediately. He wasn't sure just what was going on, but he suddenly had a very bad feeling. There was definitely an undercurrent between the two women, but Hercules had no idea what might be about to happen.

As if on cue, the door burst open and a man entered. He was tall, dark and angry. "Radona!" he shouted, when he spied Iolaus holding her hand, as he was about to help her up from her chair.

Hercules heard Setara say, "I knew it." He jumped up and faced the irate man. "Who are you, and why did you force your way in here?"

"He's my husband," Radona said with no trace of guilt. She also faced the man. "What are you doing here?" Her tone was demanding.

Iolaus blinked, as if waking from a dream. "I don't understand." He looked pleadingly toward Radona. "You're married?"

"Yes, but..." her voice trailed off when she realized she couldn't really explain the situation. "I'm sorry, Iolaus," she said finally. "We aren't together right now. I had no idea he would follow me."

"Why not?" the man demanded. "We're still married, and I want you to come home. Now." He looked at Iolaus. "Unhand my wife!" The man started around the table and made to lunge at Iolaus. Hercules intercepted him by grabbing his arm and swinging him around to face him. "Bad move," the demigod warned.

"He's got his hands on my wife!" the man yelled. "I'll kill him!"

"I don't think so," Hercules said more calmly than the situation called for. He hadn't loosened his grip and didn't intend to until some sort of truce was reached. "Let's talk about this like rational people." He knew the word rational didn't exactly fit the man he was holding, not at this moment, anyway.

"Artinius, please," Setara begged. She didn't want a fight breaking out in her home.

"No!" Artinius shouted and again tried to lunge toward Iolaus.

Iolaus understood the situation could get nasty in short order, but he was still too stunned to do more than look from Radona to Artinius. Then, he looked helplessly at Hercules. "Will someone please explain?"

Artinius struggled to get free, and Hercules grabbed the man's other arm and held him in a vise-like grip. "Calm down."

Artinius wasn't listening. He tried again to pull free.

"Iolaus, I think you'd better leave until we can get this sorted out. I'll meet you..." he paused, not willing to give Artinius the information that might lead him to the hunter later on. "You know where."

Iolaus nodded and started for the door, shaking his head the whole way. He paused long enough to look forlornly at Radona. She gave him a small shrug of apology.

After he left, Hercules sat Artinius down in a chair and stood between him and the door. "Radona, sit down." After she did so, Hercules said, "Now, we're going to get to the bottom of this."

* * * * * * * * * * 

Iolaus had walked to the Blue Boar Tavern in a fog. He couldn't understand why Radona hadn't told him about her husband. 'Of course, you do, you idiot; she wanted you.' The hunter groaned. 

He reached the tavern on the far side of Thrace where he and Hercules had passed many happy hours in the past. He knew that was where the demigod would expect him to be waiting. 

The blond hunter entered the tavern and dropped into a chair at a table near the back. He ordered a tankard of ale from a lovely young woman who winked at him and then smiled enticingly, but he didn't even notice. She frowned and turned away, obviously disappointed. When she returned with his ale, she set it down in front of him none too gently and turned on her heel. Without even looking up, Iolaus took a big swallow from the tankard and followed it with several others. 

Then, he spotted something that made him groan. It was the man who had just walked into the tavern "This I definitely do not need right now."

The man skulked over to his table, sat down and grabbed the tankard from Iolaus's hand. He slid down in the chair and tilted the tankard up high, trying to use its wide base to help hide his face.

Iolaus sat and stared at him. He understood immediately when he heard a man near the door say, "Where'd he go?"

"I saw him come in here," said another man. 

A third asked the tavern owner, "Is there a back way to this place?" The man pointed and four men ran in the direction indicated.

Iolaus sat looking at the man who sat opposite him. "They're gone. May I have my ale back now--Autolycus?"

"How...? Iolaus. I should have known."

"No, that's my line. What trouble are you in now? Did you just steal a priceless jewel? Someone's gold, maybe?"

Autolycus put his left hand over his heart and frowned. "You wound me deeply, Iolaus. I'm not _always _trying to...ah...appropriate...things. I do have other pursuits, you know."

"Yeah. Name one." Iolaus's tone was heavy on the sarcasm. It was a tone he found himself using often in the company of this self-proclaimed King of Thieves.

"Well..."

"I thought so. Look, it's great to see you again, but I'm really not in the mood. Why don't you find yourself another table and another person to torment?" Iolaus got up and started to move away from the table.

"Come on, Curly. Don't leave," Autolycus pleaded in a pathetic voice. Iolaus didn't know if it was fake or not. 

"Need me for cover, do you?"

Autolycus sighed. 

"Well, aren't you the one who bills himself as the King of Thieves? You relish all the attention that name implies. How can you expect anyone to believe you're not scamming them?"

"You're right," Autolycus admitted. "I can't deny my destiny as the world's greatest thief."

Suddenly, there was a cry of, "There he is!"

The hunter and the thief looked up and saw the four men, who had been asking about him earlier, running toward them.

Iolaus shook his head just before grabbing Autolycus by the arm and pulling him toward the door. The thief needed no urging. 

Neither man made it. 

In less than a minute, the entire tavern erupted in a full scale brawl. Men and chairs went flying, crashing into other men and chairs. The tavern owner's cries to stop destroying his establishment went totally unheeded. He finally just crouched down behind the bar and waited. Afterall, it wasn't as if he'd never been through this before.

Iolaus and Autolycus found themselves back to back as they fended off the blows that rained down on them. Only the four men who were after the King of Thieves seemed to be aiming at them. Everyone else was fighting among themselves. They all seemed to be enjoying the free-for-all. It certainly did liven up the evening.

A patron came flying across the room and crashed into the backs of two of the four men. They went down, taking a third man with them. The one left standing punched Autolycus in the mouth just as Iolaus laid him flat with a quick kick to the stomach and a blow to the back of his head.

"We sure took care of them, didn't we?"

"_We _sure did," the hunter replied sarcastically. "Let's get out of here."

"Good idea," Autolycus agreed. 

They were forced to weave their way toward the door, pushing and shoving through the knots of brawlers. A tankard came flying toward Autolycus's head. Iolaus grabbed it out of the air and took a good long swallow. He wiped the bit of ale that ran down his chin. Then he continued making his way to the door.

Once outside, Iolaus turned to Autolycus and said, "What did you steal?'

"Nothing." the taller man said innocently. "Honest."

"Somehow that word never seems to apply to you. You got me into this fight. I think I have the right to know why."

"I didn't steal anything this time. It was a woman. She was married," he said sheepishly. "I didn't know it. Hon... Really."

Iolaus's anger was defused immediately. How could he possibly chew Autolycus out when he had just been through the exact same thing himself? His anger deflated, he nodded. "You'd better get going before those guys come out here and find you."

"Yeah. Thanks, Curly. I'll pay you back sometime."

"Please don't. Just stay away from me. Okay?"

The two men shook hands and Autolycus made a hasty retreat. He was soon swallowed up in the shadows. Iolaus sighed and looked back at the tavern. Judging by the sounds emanating from inside, the fight was still in full swing. 'Can't wait for Herc in there.' The hunter headed for the nearest alley. He would have to wait in the shadows for his friend to show up. He sat down, leaned against a rough wooden wall and prepared to wait.

An hour later, Hercules made his way down the darkened street toward the tavern.

"Herc," came Iolaus's voice from the dark alley. "I'm over here."

The demigod approached the hunter. "What are you going hiding in here?" Before Iolaus answered, Hercules said, "Wait. Let me guess. You got yourself in trouble again. What was it this time?"

"It wasn't me this time. Honest." He laughed. When he saw the questioning look on Hercules's face, he said, "I'll tell you all about it later. What happened with Radona?" Iolaus asked anxiously.

"Well, it seems Radona and Artinius were sort of separated. They had been having problems. They had a big argument, and Artinius stormed off. Radona took the opportunity to come visit her sister and bring a few things. Trouble was, she didn't leave word for her husband. He got home, and she was gone. He asked around and found out she was headed here, so he came after her. He spent the journey getting angrier and angrier. By the time he got here...well, you saw him."

"Did I ever," was Iolaus's only comment at first. Then, he asked, "What happened after I left?"

"Radona agreed to go back with him and try to straighten out their marriage. When I left, they were all lovey-dovey again."

Iolaus tried to smile, wanting to be happy for them, but his heart wasn't in it.

"Sorry, buddy," Hercules said sympathetically as he clapped his friend on the back. "Come on. Let's get a room for the night."

He headed for the tavern, which had several rooms on the second floor.

"Uh, Herc, we can't go in there."

Hercules looked at Iolaus. "Why not? Wait, let me guess again. That's why you were waiting in the alley. Right? You aren't welcome there."

Iolaus grinned guiltily. "Not really."

"Well, there's an inn not too far from here. We'll go there. You haven't managed to be persona-non-grata there, too, have you?"

"Not yet." 

"That's encouraging."

As they headed down the street, Iolaus said, "Herc, I was just thinking about that theory of mine...."

"_Don't _ say it out loud. I'm not in the mood to tangle with whatever you dream up next. Tonight, I just want to sleep."


End file.
